Ian Nuqui wrote a tribute to her mother, Dr. Elizabeth Y. Arcellana-Nuqui who passed away last August 22, 2023 at the age of 77.
Waiving Goodbye
I am Honesto Franz Maximillian Arcellana Nuqui Jr, 3rd of 4 kids and among other things part Honesto, Jr and part Franz Arcellana. Mama smuggled me in upon their return from the US in May 1976. I was born in October.
As I have advanced from child to teen to man, from the morning sun to a mourning son I have observed and wondered, pondered and revisited some of my Mama’s choices: the what when where why how, what things meant, meant to her, meant to me, meant to hurt, meant to protect, too many meants to mention.
So many questions from an over analyzer. I sought comfort in logic and reason, and then sympathy and understanding. Until finally realizing that to seek a definite answer is foolish and to covet an explanation is greedy. Any fraction of context is already such a gift. That long held opinions and beliefs are like malignancies wrapped around our heart, and to excise them comes at too great a cost. We must let nature take its course.
My only conclusion is that the handful of large decisions Mama made over her life probably never really mattered as much on how things have turned out. Rather it is the accumulation of the small and time-sensitive decisions that ultimately undermine and undo, compensate and correct for the large ones.
To love means to trust and giving the benefit of the doubt, and frailty and fallibility often trumps meaning or intention. To love fully is to accept, without always agreeing or understanding.
I have to stop looking back and curve-fitting on too few data points. I love Mama, and Mama loves me fills in all the gaps and blanks.
And now my mother is gone. Wala na si Mama, si Beth, si Maam EYAN.
I have to find a way forward without her, embracing the consequences and impacts of her choices like waves. I need to relax and let every ripple wash over me and allow each fading crest to carry me and nudge me further.
To live on and live with. To love on and keep on. Mama has drifted away but her love and care still washes ashore.
Post from Ian Nuqui Facebook
